December will i ever?

 

Recently I lived in a country where I went to work every single weekday and walked around in -2 to -7 weather that I'm not really used to in my own tropical country. I guess seasonal depression exists when you just want to relax and sleep all day. but unfortunately you can't because A. I'm in a foreign country where I just can't quit. B. I'm not a quitter (not anymore). And I notice that people are more warm during winter, like the IMO, who gave me a hot packet when I was too cold or a medicine when I had a stomachache because it was too cold. I felt her kindness.

 Like some people do care. I really do appreciate her kindness towards me. And she even wants me to learn the Korean language fluently so I can understand her better. I really do want to talk more, but I'm just too scared to trust people that easily, especially at work. But on the other side, some people are just people who smirk when you look sick. like that's even sicker. I do notice people can be so cruel, but some people can be kind, and it depends on the day or their circumstances. 

But I do think I am a very fair person, and actions speak louder than words, and I am an observer, and it's kind of funny when they can't even look into my eye like I'm the villain? Oh, that's exciting. What kind of plot do they have now? Now I think about humanity and forced interactions; 

I do miss a day full of dog interactions. just a lazy day with my dogs. We wake up. We eat. We play. We watch TV. Sing random Disney songs on TV while they judge me haha. We cuddle. and we sleep again. That is my peace. I don't think it's an ideal everyday life, but it's comforting not to be judged and be looked at like a character born to destroy them. Can we all just co-exist? I do know that when you're quiet at work, people will get offended, like, "Why?" Because you just want to work, but on a psychological level. They feel insecure and triggered because you don't have to try to fit into the political social aspect of the workplace. 

Because again, I'm here to work, not to be your bestie. I can be friendly, but that's it. And not to be looked at like your next victim of some sort. I'd rather be direct and straight to the point. Just try to confront me about the problem, and let's have a debate. I'm so game with that kind of attitude, but I got nothing so far.... So you also got nothing for me. 

Again, when your mindset is being fair, people will always think your unfair reverse psychology is the best. The more people yap and talk, the more people will believe them at first until they experience the same thing. Just like magic, the universe will show you the truth whether you like it or not. And I get why I let things be. I move on every night because there is no point. 

And I see how people look at me like I'm naive or who thinks like a child. Maybe it's better that way. It is simple to live, and the mindset of a child is simple. When they are happy, they are truly happy, and when they are sad, they are truly sad. Simple formula from a complicated life. 

And I also feel like I'm learning the law of detachment from everything, anyone, and everywhere. I've been realizing a lot of things when I isolate myself.

 I'm relieved that I'm experiencing everything at once but also learning from them and not being obsessive about every little thing. If it doesn't work out ok next. If it's not for me, ok, next. I have control now. I can love eating good food because I can. Budget my own food and money because I could, and it was such a wow situation for me. Because whatever negativity I have during the day, the blessings that I have now outweigh all of that.

 It may be simple, just like a good brand of coffee and a coconut milk powder (because I can) and a nice old lady who gives me a hot pack warms my whole entire day. Life can be your favorite coffee cup that you can alter depending on your mood. Is it going to be a bitter Americano straight to the point today? or a sweet caramel macchiato, faking it until you make it? Or cold brew light and going with the flow within the day? Or maybe just the homey perfect coffee for you that you can finally make at home? The authentic, not faking it to be liked coffee? So many choices, so many consequences.

 We all know what is good for us, like some people are lactose intolerant but still risk drinking dairy to have a normal coffee rather than try coconut milk or almond milk because it tastes too different, but you gotta admit it doesn't flare you up. 

And you hate that. But life wouldn't be life if humanity were not stubborn; it would be too perfect to just surrender. Haha, we have to fight something. A survival instinct maybe, but at the end of the day. We live to learn and learn to live. 

The most straightforward purpose in life we tend to ignore for superficial things we all try not to get into our heads. Never-ending battle, but if it did? We all end in a way, and that is called the afterlife. We can't really bring everything we obtain today materialistic, but emotions/experiences/spirits are within you always. 

Like a shot of espresso 

life can slowly hit you and drain you 

for you to focus on working 

within oneself. 

Trust that because that is you and no one else to compare or decide but you.